Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Life, is beautiful.
Life is your story.
This makes your story beautiful. Unique and beautiful. However it is.. beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I am reading this book, A Million Miles, In a Thousand Years.

And I don't know how to explain what it has already done in my life. It is bringing beauty and meaning to life for me. I am inspired. To make my story something more, to make it the best story that I would have ever written. And I am going to use blog world to write it.

I am on chapter nine, I am not that far in. But it has already showed me so much. Life is your story, and your story is what you make of it. NO ONE can determine your story for you. Sure people give you elements, they give you situations but your actual story what happens with those elements, and those situations. Someone told me once that life is 10% of what happens in your life and 90% of how you handle it. And how its handled, that is up to the author, and yes you guessed it you are the author.

I will start to live everyday like it is my last day. I know all to well that people come and they go when it is there time. Whether we think it is the right time.. weather they are 18, 7, or whatever their age may be. Every story has an ending. And I got too caught up in saying "My ending will be great, people will be applauding, but its not my ending yet, so I still have time to get there." But, have you ever read a book that doesn't have a good ending.. or one that says to be continued.. they are the worst.. and what we don't see is that that could be our story. Our story could end, without an ending because we didn't end it. We are responsible for who we are when our story is over. There is no one else writing it. So stop livinig in the point to where we say, "tomorrow will be the day I make the difference, tomorrow will be the day I smile more" and live it today.. tomorrow is not guarunteed. So why are you running around today with a frown, or a worry. It would not be a good story if today is the day it stopped. When today is filled with tears. THings happen, people cry. I know, hah trust me I know. Those things do add to the story, I'm just saying. If you could never smile again.. is that how you would want to leave earth..

I'm trying to be happier with everything that comes my way. I am trying to smile more even when life give me so many reasons not to. And, it is making a difference. Not only am I trying to be happier. But I am happier. And when I am this way I can see so much more of the amazing things that God has given me and I can do that because I know that even when the hard times come, there is an amazing God waiting to catch me in my hard time. A God that wants more for me to get out of that hard time then I want to get out of it. Just because he doesn't want me to suffer. A God that will be there when no one else is. And a God that will understand my feelings, and my hurt and my pain, when no one else does. A God that made me will be there for me. And knowing that you have someone through everything, and through it all. It tends to shed a new light on life.

Last night I cried.. I cried beacuse I looked at all the lives that I have lost. I cried because I can't go across the street and see Mr. Lou, and he can't make fun of me beacuse of how much I always ate. I know he would like pass out if he saw how much I don't eat now. And he would assure me that there was no reason for me to diet, and that now they don't know what they are going to do with all of the food that they have. But, he isn't there to do that. I cried because I watched a video of my friend Walter Dines, that just graduated, but drowned. I cried because I look at Walter Brooks page to see when the bracelets for him were coming in.. I cried because there was a reason for us to order RIP Walter Brooks bracelets. I cried because I can't see Hope's smile, and she can't hold my hand. I cried because I can't hear Mason call me a booger butt because I pushed his head underwater when we were trying to take the group picture. I cried because James could no longer tell me that if a boy hurt me, that he will kill him. And then I cried because if he was here a year ago, he would have been here for me through my hard time. But, I cried and I got over it. Because God held me. And today, I still have those feelings.. but I know that I am fine. And that all of those people would want me to be smiling today. They would want me to live my story, so that one day. I have people missing me, and saying that it was too soon to die. No one forgets a good story. I don't want anyone to forget me, to forget my story.

I want my life to touch people, to help people, to inspire people. And I am hoping that that is what my life will do. I am re-writing my character, re-writing my story so that it does just that. Because that is the kind of story that I want, and afterall I am the one that writes it.

Never take life for granted, because you never know when it is up. Change your story while you still can.. change your story today.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


As hard as it is for some of us to realize, God made us so that we could be us.. Not so we could look like that "girl". Or have that "girls" hair, or like the shoes that "she" likes. So that we could do what WE like, what God put in our hearts to like, and what God put in our hearts to crave, and do, and be.

Not what the next "girl" likes, craves or thinks.

I never realized until someone pointed out to me, that I had not been myself. I wish that I could turn back the time and just stay myself, I wish I never dropped and changed myself to fit what others thought I should be. I wish my whole life I would have just done what I thought was right, and I did what I wanted to. There was way too many times that I didn't feel right doing something, but did it because in others eyes it was right. And just so we are clear on this.. I don't mean about good things that I have done.. because when I do something that someone else suggests that is a good thing, I.E. ending certain relationships, it has made me a better person. I am talking about all of those decisisons that were made according to others, that have made me an angry, nasty, pessimistic person. I wish I never let people change me into that person.. because then I wouldn't have the hard time right now of getting that old person back. And, let me tell you it is a struggle. This is not to blame all of this on those "other"people, I am sure that half of the time they didn't think that they were changing me so drasitically from the person I was. I blame this on myself, for letting myself be changed. Have you heard the saying if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. Thats what I did I fell for anything. So there for, it is beacuse of me that I am in this place today. Not because of the girls that I longed to be, or the people that I longed to please, not beacuse of the actions they did, but the actions I did.

& As hard as it is to change and be the better person, I know that God will help me, and I know that he will show me who he wants me to be. Its just all hard to say goodbye to the old me, and to change the way I think about things, and the way I do things, and the things I's just so hard.. to change the way you were into the way that you want to be. Or into the way that God wants you to be.

This post isn't for you to look at and to feel bad for me. It's not for you to read and say, wow she is such a great person because she is trying to be better. This post isn't about me.. well it is. But I posted it to help. To help those girls that always think that they could be better, if they dress more like "her".. or laugh more like "her".. shoot some girls even try to sneeze like other girls because they think that, "she" sneezes the right way. This is for those girls who are so lost in trying to be other people because they are not comfortable in their own skin. This is for those girls who smile, laugh and even feel only beacuse others tell them its okay. Listen to me when I say this.. listen to me when my heart types these words because they are ohh so true. YOU are beautiful, jsut as you were made. YOU are unique, and there is nothing more beautiful then something that is rare, something that can't be found in other places. There is nothing more beautiful then someone that stays true, someone who is truly themselves and is truly unique, and someone that is Gods. So as all of you are wishing that you were something different. STOP, beacuse one day you are going to realize that the old you was perfect, and that you long to have that person back. Don't get rid of the old you to fit in or to be loved. Because the truth is, you will find so much more love when you are you. When you live by your own standards. Because not only will you feel love.. but you will know, and be able to trust that the love is for you, and not the fake person that you have become. And that is more rewarding than anything that you could ever begin to imagine.

So no matter how important you think that friendship is, no matter how beautiful you think that person is, not matter how much you want that guy to like you. Just remember, that God has called you to be a much more beautiful person then the girl sitting across the room. And that beautiful person he is calling you to be is yourself.

Take it from someone who knows. God's plan and purpose for your life is so much more than you could ever think up by yourself. The person he wants you to be, has so much more to offer than the person that you want to be. So if you follow and trust in the Lord, you will be beautiful, you will be his beautiful intended creation. &it is there that you will find your true self, and I promise you that once you find that you will be handsdown undeniably the happiest that you have ever been in your whole entire life.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

something amazingg

I love this contest, and what it benefits, you should enter too.. oh and spread the word:)

a great fundraiser to pass along, it is to help out families that are going through the difficult process of adoption: $10 dollars from every one of Cap Creations Chosen necklaces sold will be donated to the families adoption agency in their name and 50% of the proceeds from the Worthy of the Prize Adoption Band will be also be donated. Here is the link that you can follow, and purchas a necklacse that will give 10 dollars toward struggling families. AND.. the necklaces are so cute!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Craft plans&camping memories

So, I cannot believe that this month is the month of my one year with Jeff. Sadly, due to a vacation I am slacking on all the things that I have wanted to make him for gifts. But, I thinkthat this week(After I get paid of course) I will be headed out with a friend to buy the supplies I need to make the things I want for Jeff :). I cannot believe how lucky I am to be with him. He has shown me so much about life, he has always been there when my head is down to help hold it up. Okay, fine I'll save the gushies for the actual day. (But, cant you just tell that I am so excited!!!- minus the fact that he has all of these thigns planned, like my whole day is book, he is picking me up at 12:00 at work&then who knows. That makes me excited to.)

I have so many craft things that I wanna make but that all includes having money first, and as I am trying to save up for a car.. I am trying to limit myself to spending only 20 dollars, maybe every 2 weeks on craft supplies. Its so hard for me to hold onto my money in a craft store!! But I know that I can do it. Especially because I know that the money that I don't spend is going to go towards my very own car:).

As much as I can say that this memorial vacation weeked took away from my crafting time, the weekend was amazing.

&It's not like we did anything special. Well, we did. Visted Assateaque, and I got my ear peirced (tragus- the little flab thing, ahh I don't know how to explain it check google, those parts weren't the best. The night that I think I will always remember was Saturday night, at least I think it was Saturday night, could have been Sunday night. Who knows, all vacation days blur together, isn't that what they are supposed to do anyways? Whatever that night was, we sat around the fire, my Dad, me, Mom&Brother. And we talked, and talked, and talked. I learned more about my family that night then I had ever known before. And, I got close to my Dad, again. It was amazing. When my Dad isn't stressed. He is just amazing, so to get away from all that stress, I got to be with my amazing Dad. I love him so much, he is such an amazing man. And as much as I could say that he isn't the Christian man that I want him to be, and that he still cusses, and drinks. I can say that he has changed so much, from his childhood, from a year ago, and from yesterday. That I know that he is trying.. which is all that I can ask for. I know its not going to be easy, just a year ago I was going through the same thing.. and it wasn't like I snapped my fingers and I was ultra Christian. I mean, I am still working on things today. But, I know that all I can do. Is pray, pray for him, and encourage him.. be his rock. I love my Daddy so much. I jsut want him to get teh benefits that I have as a Christian. It breaks my heart to know that he doesn't fully get them.

The smiles from this weekend, the real laughs.. the ones that you can tell just aren't fake, the true happines, hopefully will stay. But I realize that they can go. I just know that I have those memories. And thats all I need to have, because it is those memories that promise hope. That all of this stuff will be over soon. And that those smiles, and laughs, the happiness; that it wont just be for a weekend, but for a lifetime.

OH! So I wanted to blog about this, that way if you know that you want another ear piercing.. or if you know of anyone else that would like one:

If you are getting anyting above your second hole done, make sure you can go to a place, where they will peirce it with a needle. Because the guy that did mine, peirced it with a needle, and it hurt a lot less than my cartilage&half cartilage which were both done with the peircing gun. So, I asked the guy why.. and he told me that anything containg cartilage that is peirced with the gun will spider web shatter the caritalge, so thats why I have had so many problems with my other ones. So yeahh.. just wanted to save you all the pain:) If yuo are looking for a good place, and happen to want to go to OC to get it done, go to funky stuff, 5th street on the board walk. I promise, this guy is a PRO!

I am burnt, and I am sure that there is more to come.. my poool is open!!!! :) Oh, and I have gotten to play with my waterproof camer.. amazing I will post pictures soon.

&that my friends is all I have for today, I hope you enjoy your day.. and that the heat isn't too unbearable!