Thursday, October 14, 2010

Oy vey, these next 7 days.

These next 7 days are going ot be so hard.
This time last year one of my closest friendsfrom highschool was in the hospitale non-responsive.

7 more days, from this day signifies the one year mark of that friend, when he passed.

I knew it was going to be hard, and I knew that it was going to suck. Iguess I just didn't know that it would get this out of hand. I really miss him so much. I miss him always trying to make me smile when I had the most horrible day. He would always inspire me to be me, and to live life to the fullest, which we all know I have problems with.

He was truly a great and fantastic person, my life has not been the same without him in it.

It stinks so much, not being able to call him and tell him things when I need to, because I know that he will help. It's hard to think about the fact that I cannot talkto him, and he is gone from me. From my life.

This week will be rough, so rough. I hope that I laugh until I cry, and not cry until I laugh. I want to smile through this and remember the fact that he was a great, fantastic person. But, it's so hard. Because I realize in doing that, how much I miss that great fantastic peron.

Monday, October 11, 2010

you're on my heart.

I wrote something today at work for Walter
My heart cries out,
For you once more.
It screams and shouts,
As raindrops hit the floor.

You’re gone,
Just ripped from life so fast.
I wish you were here.
The memories will have to last.

My heart so touched,
By your sweet love.
I smile then,
I feel your warmth from above.

The times you comforted,
And smiled my way.
It always worked,
You brightened my days.

And so I leave you with this at last.
Your memories in my heart,
Will last and last.
And so the smile on my face,
It’s because of you, that it forever stays.

In loving memory of:
Walter Brian Brooks
You have made a lasting impression on my life.
I hope on to the times, the special memories. They brighten my days.
I am so thankful that I knew someone as bright as you(:
If anyone was my hero, it was you. Always inspiring me to be me, no matter what other people had to say about it.
And for that I thank you.
Youre beautiful every little piece love

Thursday, July 22, 2010

my new favorite song.

mercy me- bring the rain

I can count a million times,
people asking me how I
can praise you with all that i've gone through.
The question just amazes me,
can circumstances possibly
change who I forever am in you?
Maybe since my life was changed,
long before these rainy days,
its never really ever crossed my mind;
to turn my back on you oh lord,
My only shelter from the storm.
But instead I draw closer in these times.
So I pray:

Bring me joy, Bring me Peace.
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that brings you glory,
When this life brings me pain.
But if that's what it takes you praise you,
Jesus bring the rain.

I am yours regardless of,
the dark clouds that may loom above.
Because you, are much greater than my pain.
You who made a way for me,
by suffering your destiny.
So tell me whats a little rain?
So I pray:

Bring me joy, Bring me Peace.
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that brings you glory,
When this life brings me pain.
But if thats what it takes you praise you,
Jesus bring the rain:

holy holy holy
is the lord God almighty, is the lord god almighty

This song is going to help me get through all of this. I know there is a reason for this. And I will be better because of it all.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

end of the fourth.

So I can't even tell you how good going on Vacation has been. To have time with and for myself.. just me time. Is really great. During this time I get to take a good long look at myself, and see what it is that I need to do to make myself a better person.

And I admit. I was in a little bit of a funk, hah maybe a lotta bit of a funk :) But, I just had to get over myself. And stop being selfish. And I had to do what I knew was right. So I got over everything. And I am doing it.

It's rewarding and it is amazing:) And I am really happy right now, truly happy. Just by finding myself.

For the first time in my life I am seeing that I can handle things myself. And that I don't need to doubt myself. Because if I look deep enough into who I am then I will find the answer to so many things. I have also learned more and more that people of this world will let you down. (And I'm not trying to be mean here, that's just the facts) But God will always be here for me. So he needs to by my everything. Where I get my strength from, where I get my faith from. Where I get my refuge and my help from needs to be God. No one here on earth can give me the kind of love, and comfort that he can.

Now, don't get me wrong.. hah I'm not like going to stop dating. LOL! I just know the things that I deserve and the things that I don't know. And also I know what God's jobs are. And what God is supposed to do for me. And in which areas of my life I need to count on him and just him on. There are some times. When I will be happy because of what people do. Times when I will smile, and even times when I will be upset. But, even in those times. I will have my God to hold and to cling on to.

I'm not saying things will be perfect. I'm saying that when they aren't I have a unfailing God that will comfort me, and be there for me when it seems like no one else is:)

I know that right now it is easy for me to say that because nothing drastically bad has happened. But I have faith in myself that my love for God will only grow. And so will my faith in him, and my ability to trust in him. I can't wait to see how much I continue to grow throughout this vacation I am already getting excited.!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

3rd day&the beginning of the fourth.

Holy cow.. it is up to the third day.. that's weird I don't feel like I have been here that long.

Well what we did was. Hung out around the house for a while.& Then we went to go and see Despicable Me. IT WAS SOOOO GOOOD. You need to go and see it hah. It made me cryyyyy!! Like I felt so dumb.. but it was such a CUTE part.

Then we went out to chickerflicker&came back home. And steph and I played house and my little pony with Emily :) hahah. (I just have to interject here, hahahh suite life of zack&cody on deck, is hillarioussss) ANNND then we just chilled. Which was amazing. I don't even remember what all the chill entailed. But then my cousin left. :( So now.. tomorrow it would be just me and the children. And I (at this time) am very overwhelmed.. becauseeee well these kids can get very crazy. But, I mean kids are my thing so I should be able to handle it rightt.

day four♥
Okay so I wake up, and no lie as soon as I wake up friends from the neighborhood call &want to come over and hang out with the kids (Aunt Tracey and Uncle Chris already said this was okay) sooo I jumped on it. And now all of the children are playing BY THEMSELVES without the aid of me. So I am chillen like you know.. like it was vacation or something.. hahah.:) LOOOVEEE IT! I'm going to get some serious journaling in today!!!

Then when they leave I plan on kicking at the pool next door. Soaking up some sun, and the kids playing in the pool.&then who knows what will happen later. Hopefully I don't get super burnt ;) Hopefully I just get really really tan&then I come home super tan. That would be nice.

Longstory short. Virigina has been GREAT! and I am having a blast chillen and hanging out.. and this is making me feel like an adult because.. well I don't really know why.

On a side note the girls are playing barbies. And one is crying help me. Hah I have to remind myself to just take the time and check on them, and not freak out. Because it is probably only the Babrbies that need help, not the children hah.

I hope you all have a GREAT day!! :)

Monday, July 19, 2010

2nd day in Virginia,

Was a good day.. but I am already starting to miss home. Yesterday (the second day) we went to go and see Eclipse. It was really good, I paid more attention this time.. heh. We got Panera again, but this time we had to work a whole heck of a lot harder. You see Stephanie and I were home alone (everyone else was out at the party)so we had to fend for ourselves.. and find a Panera in a place that we didn't know.. all we knew is that our house was off the road of menchville, or is it menninville. Ahhh I dunno. But lets just say. All I had for the whole day was blueberries, and it was now 5:30.. we were about to just eat each other.. and then come to find out.. after Steph remembered that she has GPS on her phone (yes I know I was about to killllll her)... we had passed the panera 5,000 times. So, it totally felt like it took us longer to find Panera then it took to get to Virginia. That's an exaggeration though.. how long did it really take.. like an hour and half. That is a lot of time though in hungry time. Anyways WAIT I skipped a whole part of my day. So after Eclipse then.. we went to the craft store. And I found some silly bands that I just adore. And then we went to Walmart. Where a lady though we were so dumb when we asked her where the wallets were.. she helped us count. We got Aunt Tracey out of the walmart without being arrested. I think that's a big feat on our part. Heh. So then we came home.. and the Panera thing happened. Can I just say that, the Panera I ate yesteday was the best Panera that I have ever consumed in my whole entire life. It was soooooo good:). Then I feel like I did nothing else all day but trade silly bands with Emily (I got a ladybug by the way.. and not just any ladybug and ORANGE one-- I told her that this trade is final, and we are not trading back... but in reality.. we all know I am too soft for that.. so we will see if I keep it or not.. don't worry I will keep you posted) I didn't trade any with Gabe.. I don't think that he would like any that I have. I am really starting to have a lot of silly bands.. who knows that I will do with all of them. I think that I will just alternate wearing them.. why do these kinds of things appeal to me.? Lol. Then Stephanie and I sat outside, and had a thousand talks about life.. had some tears about life. And watched the heat lighting. Have I ever mentioned how much I stinking loveeee heat lightning? It is sooooo pretty. It reminds me of that song. "You light light light up the sky you light up the sky to show me you are with me, and I I I can't deny, no I can' deny that you are right here with me, you open my eyes so I can see you clearly now you light light light up the sky you light up the sky to show me, that you are with me" That is one of my favorite songs right now.
I know there is A LOT more to say.. but I just can't find my words right now.. :\.

We're going to the movies again today.. I think we will see Despicable Me. Or whatever that is called. And then going to Chickerflicker. Mmmmmmm. One day while I am here I will eat Healthy.. NOT! hah. Sike I am trying still. I am trying to get the healthy yummy things at the non-healthy places. So.. yeah. Plus you know there isn't a lot of time for me to eat on the vacation.. so yeah.

I know that the boredom is about to set in, and I don't want that. Quite frankly because all I will be able to do is think. Which, I know that's what I need to do. Hah, but thinking is pretty hard these days. I think I Am going to get in the shower.. so that I don't have to rush whenever we do decide what we are doing.. Wonder what I am going to wear today ehhhh?

Who knows.:) Later all, have a great day.. as I am sure that I will.
&I pray that God gives you strength for whatever it is that you are going through. :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

everyday is a new day

Last night.. kind of crept up on me. A lot of things, happened that I didn't want to. It was very very hard. But, all I could keep doing was reminding myself that I had to be strong. Because I know very well. That this is going to be what is best for me. That is the hardest thing to do right now.. is put myself first. I have a hard time with that normally. I'm always worried about the other person, and how the other person is. How they are doing.. if they are okay. And that is something that right now I can't really do because I need to focus on myself. And that is the hardest thing.

I am so proud of myself. For the decisions that I have made. For being an adult. For not having to be told what to do. For this to be our decision and for us to stick by it. Shows how strong we are. And that we would let nothing get in the way of God. Not many teenagers our age would be able to do something so great. So immense that they look outside of today, and look into the future to see what is best. Even though this hurts. I know that everything will work out of the best because I have faith in my God that his plan will be so amazing. So amazing that it will floor me.

I know that people think we are crazy.. I know that people thought we were good. And the truth is we were. We were good. But we needed some time to work on ourselves. And as soon as we get over this hump. As soon as I get over this hump.. of I can't believe this happened. Everything will get easier.

I was told that everyday it would get better, that it would hurt less and less, and I can already see that. Today is a new day. And I am going to make it that. I am going to make it my new day. And I am going to embrace it like it is a new beginning because after all it is. A new me. A fresh-clean-not-damaged-by-other-people-kind-of-me. Hah, and by other people I don't mean Jeff. I still have to fix what happened before Jeff. And even a step before that. And another step.

I know this is hard. I feel it. I also know that I have been through a lot of other things.. and I am starting to feel like I am strong enough to handle this. That I will be able to make it out of this.. and not just make it out of this alive. But make it out of this better. So much better. Which is good.. because then whatever comes my way. It will be great. Whatever relationship. It will be great. Because I will be strong enough to hold my own.. and not ask for other person to do that for me. Because, it is too much to ask. And I should be able to do it on myself. And right now while I am alone.. that is what I am learning to do.

Today will be over, tomorrow will get better, and then the next day. Yesterday, the worst day. It's gone. Everyday will be a new beginning.
And this, is the beginning of my story. The story that will make people proud, and people will see the change that I have made.. and they will be amazed. That's what I want.

My story is going to be great, it is going to be un-imaginably great. And I am going to be the star. Think of that.. the star of my own great story. One day I know that I will look back at this and I will think. I am so glad that this happened.

There is hope, and I have faith that this will all work out for the best. :) I am strong. And I can handle this..
With all that out of the way.. heh Virgina is so far tons of fun. My cousins are just eating it up, which can get a little overwhelming at times. Steph and I slept on the same bed.. hah i had the littlest sliver of the bed that it was just crazy.. but I still had a goodnights sleep. And I didn't have to try to fall asleep which shocked me. I think today we are going to see eclipse. Chief:) (Hah that is what Bella calls Jacob.. and I think that it is cute) for the record I think it will be harder to watch this time around. But I'm making better decisions then Bella. HAH. Man last ngiht we had Panera, and it totally hit the spot.. like beautifully hit the spot. I am going to go now, and read. And get some play time in so I am not going to be bugged all day.. hahah.

<3 "I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness."- a million miles in a thousand years.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Things are good. I am glad that I am here. Right now I am watching Hope Floats. We are about to get Panera, and I am excited because it is going to be soo good.:) I need some good food. I did kartwheels when we got here, literally. I was sooo tired of being in that car!!
Even though we had such a great time riding here, Steph and I (my cousin) hah it was just sooo chill, and so much fun.
I don't really have much to write about. I was happy to see my cousins looks, they were so happy!! Which made me happy. To see them happy because I was here.:)

Its so much fun. Being here.. being able to be away for some time.. clear my head. Its fun to have fun. To be a girl. And to be me.

I am sure that I will write more tomorrow, if not more tonight.


These two weeks. Will be great. I will be living my life, and I will be changing. And I will be becoming me all over again. I love the person that I am. I love the person that I have became. But I still need to change some things. I need the to be the person that God wants me to be. And this whole thing has really hurt. But it is okay. And I am going to get over it:) I am excited. To look at who I am down the road. I am excited to find me again, no string attached. Drop everything and see what the Lord does to me. See who I am because of this.

People are freaking out. I'm almost kind of thinking that they took this harder than Jeff and I did. Which is kind of funny, under the circumstances. But I wanna say that I am okay. I promise. Everything is fine. I am not a complete wreck. I am not dying inside. This is just the beginning of me living. He is good to. It was mutual and I can guarantee you. That we will work this out. And we will find what it is all supposed to mean. And maybe we will be something great.

I don't know what Gods plans are for me. But I know that those plans are better than the way that I am trying to live my life. And what I have been doing. So I am taking those steps to be a better person. I am going to listen to what God has to say and where he has to lead me. And that place is where I end up. I am giving my life to God. Stepping out in faith to a place where I havn't been in three years. I am going to fall deeply and madly in love with God. It's going to be hard.. and it is going to hurt. But I know with all my heart, he's got the whole world in his hands. Sorry I went into song mode:) I know that God will lead me and I know that Jeffrey and I will be better people from this. We will be. And it will be amazing.

Know that God is comforting me, know that I am fine. Know that I am being strong through this. :) And it will all be okay.

So that I don't know if that was more for you all or for me. What I do know. Is it is fine:) And well, thats just that.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


So, I have entered a bunch before, but this one.. I REALLY WANNA WIN! How amazing would this be??? Honeslty. Follow this link and look at the giveaway that little birdy is doing. On there if you read it you will see a link to see what the silohette does. There are so mnay possibilities.. OHHH how I hope I win this!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Life, is beautiful.
Life is your story.
This makes your story beautiful. Unique and beautiful. However it is.. beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I am reading this book, A Million Miles, In a Thousand Years.

And I don't know how to explain what it has already done in my life. It is bringing beauty and meaning to life for me. I am inspired. To make my story something more, to make it the best story that I would have ever written. And I am going to use blog world to write it.

I am on chapter nine, I am not that far in. But it has already showed me so much. Life is your story, and your story is what you make of it. NO ONE can determine your story for you. Sure people give you elements, they give you situations but your actual story what happens with those elements, and those situations. Someone told me once that life is 10% of what happens in your life and 90% of how you handle it. And how its handled, that is up to the author, and yes you guessed it you are the author.

I will start to live everyday like it is my last day. I know all to well that people come and they go when it is there time. Whether we think it is the right time.. weather they are 18, 7, or whatever their age may be. Every story has an ending. And I got too caught up in saying "My ending will be great, people will be applauding, but its not my ending yet, so I still have time to get there." But, have you ever read a book that doesn't have a good ending.. or one that says to be continued.. they are the worst.. and what we don't see is that that could be our story. Our story could end, without an ending because we didn't end it. We are responsible for who we are when our story is over. There is no one else writing it. So stop livinig in the point to where we say, "tomorrow will be the day I make the difference, tomorrow will be the day I smile more" and live it today.. tomorrow is not guarunteed. So why are you running around today with a frown, or a worry. It would not be a good story if today is the day it stopped. When today is filled with tears. THings happen, people cry. I know, hah trust me I know. Those things do add to the story, I'm just saying. If you could never smile again.. is that how you would want to leave earth..

I'm trying to be happier with everything that comes my way. I am trying to smile more even when life give me so many reasons not to. And, it is making a difference. Not only am I trying to be happier. But I am happier. And when I am this way I can see so much more of the amazing things that God has given me and I can do that because I know that even when the hard times come, there is an amazing God waiting to catch me in my hard time. A God that wants more for me to get out of that hard time then I want to get out of it. Just because he doesn't want me to suffer. A God that will be there when no one else is. And a God that will understand my feelings, and my hurt and my pain, when no one else does. A God that made me will be there for me. And knowing that you have someone through everything, and through it all. It tends to shed a new light on life.

Last night I cried.. I cried beacuse I looked at all the lives that I have lost. I cried because I can't go across the street and see Mr. Lou, and he can't make fun of me beacuse of how much I always ate. I know he would like pass out if he saw how much I don't eat now. And he would assure me that there was no reason for me to diet, and that now they don't know what they are going to do with all of the food that they have. But, he isn't there to do that. I cried because I watched a video of my friend Walter Dines, that just graduated, but drowned. I cried because I look at Walter Brooks page to see when the bracelets for him were coming in.. I cried because there was a reason for us to order RIP Walter Brooks bracelets. I cried because I can't see Hope's smile, and she can't hold my hand. I cried because I can't hear Mason call me a booger butt because I pushed his head underwater when we were trying to take the group picture. I cried because James could no longer tell me that if a boy hurt me, that he will kill him. And then I cried because if he was here a year ago, he would have been here for me through my hard time. But, I cried and I got over it. Because God held me. And today, I still have those feelings.. but I know that I am fine. And that all of those people would want me to be smiling today. They would want me to live my story, so that one day. I have people missing me, and saying that it was too soon to die. No one forgets a good story. I don't want anyone to forget me, to forget my story.

I want my life to touch people, to help people, to inspire people. And I am hoping that that is what my life will do. I am re-writing my character, re-writing my story so that it does just that. Because that is the kind of story that I want, and afterall I am the one that writes it.

Never take life for granted, because you never know when it is up. Change your story while you still can.. change your story today.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


As hard as it is for some of us to realize, God made us so that we could be us.. Not so we could look like that "girl". Or have that "girls" hair, or like the shoes that "she" likes. So that we could do what WE like, what God put in our hearts to like, and what God put in our hearts to crave, and do, and be.

Not what the next "girl" likes, craves or thinks.

I never realized until someone pointed out to me, that I had not been myself. I wish that I could turn back the time and just stay myself, I wish I never dropped and changed myself to fit what others thought I should be. I wish my whole life I would have just done what I thought was right, and I did what I wanted to. There was way too many times that I didn't feel right doing something, but did it because in others eyes it was right. And just so we are clear on this.. I don't mean about good things that I have done.. because when I do something that someone else suggests that is a good thing, I.E. ending certain relationships, it has made me a better person. I am talking about all of those decisisons that were made according to others, that have made me an angry, nasty, pessimistic person. I wish I never let people change me into that person.. because then I wouldn't have the hard time right now of getting that old person back. And, let me tell you it is a struggle. This is not to blame all of this on those "other"people, I am sure that half of the time they didn't think that they were changing me so drasitically from the person I was. I blame this on myself, for letting myself be changed. Have you heard the saying if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. Thats what I did I fell for anything. So there for, it is beacuse of me that I am in this place today. Not because of the girls that I longed to be, or the people that I longed to please, not beacuse of the actions they did, but the actions I did.

& As hard as it is to change and be the better person, I know that God will help me, and I know that he will show me who he wants me to be. Its just all hard to say goodbye to the old me, and to change the way I think about things, and the way I do things, and the things I's just so hard.. to change the way you were into the way that you want to be. Or into the way that God wants you to be.

This post isn't for you to look at and to feel bad for me. It's not for you to read and say, wow she is such a great person because she is trying to be better. This post isn't about me.. well it is. But I posted it to help. To help those girls that always think that they could be better, if they dress more like "her".. or laugh more like "her".. shoot some girls even try to sneeze like other girls because they think that, "she" sneezes the right way. This is for those girls who are so lost in trying to be other people because they are not comfortable in their own skin. This is for those girls who smile, laugh and even feel only beacuse others tell them its okay. Listen to me when I say this.. listen to me when my heart types these words because they are ohh so true. YOU are beautiful, jsut as you were made. YOU are unique, and there is nothing more beautiful then something that is rare, something that can't be found in other places. There is nothing more beautiful then someone that stays true, someone who is truly themselves and is truly unique, and someone that is Gods. So as all of you are wishing that you were something different. STOP, beacuse one day you are going to realize that the old you was perfect, and that you long to have that person back. Don't get rid of the old you to fit in or to be loved. Because the truth is, you will find so much more love when you are you. When you live by your own standards. Because not only will you feel love.. but you will know, and be able to trust that the love is for you, and not the fake person that you have become. And that is more rewarding than anything that you could ever begin to imagine.

So no matter how important you think that friendship is, no matter how beautiful you think that person is, not matter how much you want that guy to like you. Just remember, that God has called you to be a much more beautiful person then the girl sitting across the room. And that beautiful person he is calling you to be is yourself.

Take it from someone who knows. God's plan and purpose for your life is so much more than you could ever think up by yourself. The person he wants you to be, has so much more to offer than the person that you want to be. So if you follow and trust in the Lord, you will be beautiful, you will be his beautiful intended creation. &it is there that you will find your true self, and I promise you that once you find that you will be handsdown undeniably the happiest that you have ever been in your whole entire life.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

something amazingg

I love this contest, and what it benefits, you should enter too.. oh and spread the word:)

a great fundraiser to pass along, it is to help out families that are going through the difficult process of adoption: $10 dollars from every one of Cap Creations Chosen necklaces sold will be donated to the families adoption agency in their name and 50% of the proceeds from the Worthy of the Prize Adoption Band will be also be donated. Here is the link that you can follow, and purchas a necklacse that will give 10 dollars toward struggling families. AND.. the necklaces are so cute!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Craft plans&camping memories

So, I cannot believe that this month is the month of my one year with Jeff. Sadly, due to a vacation I am slacking on all the things that I have wanted to make him for gifts. But, I thinkthat this week(After I get paid of course) I will be headed out with a friend to buy the supplies I need to make the things I want for Jeff :). I cannot believe how lucky I am to be with him. He has shown me so much about life, he has always been there when my head is down to help hold it up. Okay, fine I'll save the gushies for the actual day. (But, cant you just tell that I am so excited!!!- minus the fact that he has all of these thigns planned, like my whole day is book, he is picking me up at 12:00 at work&then who knows. That makes me excited to.)

I have so many craft things that I wanna make but that all includes having money first, and as I am trying to save up for a car.. I am trying to limit myself to spending only 20 dollars, maybe every 2 weeks on craft supplies. Its so hard for me to hold onto my money in a craft store!! But I know that I can do it. Especially because I know that the money that I don't spend is going to go towards my very own car:).

As much as I can say that this memorial vacation weeked took away from my crafting time, the weekend was amazing.

&It's not like we did anything special. Well, we did. Visted Assateaque, and I got my ear peirced (tragus- the little flab thing, ahh I don't know how to explain it check google, those parts weren't the best. The night that I think I will always remember was Saturday night, at least I think it was Saturday night, could have been Sunday night. Who knows, all vacation days blur together, isn't that what they are supposed to do anyways? Whatever that night was, we sat around the fire, my Dad, me, Mom&Brother. And we talked, and talked, and talked. I learned more about my family that night then I had ever known before. And, I got close to my Dad, again. It was amazing. When my Dad isn't stressed. He is just amazing, so to get away from all that stress, I got to be with my amazing Dad. I love him so much, he is such an amazing man. And as much as I could say that he isn't the Christian man that I want him to be, and that he still cusses, and drinks. I can say that he has changed so much, from his childhood, from a year ago, and from yesterday. That I know that he is trying.. which is all that I can ask for. I know its not going to be easy, just a year ago I was going through the same thing.. and it wasn't like I snapped my fingers and I was ultra Christian. I mean, I am still working on things today. But, I know that all I can do. Is pray, pray for him, and encourage him.. be his rock. I love my Daddy so much. I jsut want him to get teh benefits that I have as a Christian. It breaks my heart to know that he doesn't fully get them.

The smiles from this weekend, the real laughs.. the ones that you can tell just aren't fake, the true happines, hopefully will stay. But I realize that they can go. I just know that I have those memories. And thats all I need to have, because it is those memories that promise hope. That all of this stuff will be over soon. And that those smiles, and laughs, the happiness; that it wont just be for a weekend, but for a lifetime.

OH! So I wanted to blog about this, that way if you know that you want another ear piercing.. or if you know of anyone else that would like one:

If you are getting anyting above your second hole done, make sure you can go to a place, where they will peirce it with a needle. Because the guy that did mine, peirced it with a needle, and it hurt a lot less than my cartilage&half cartilage which were both done with the peircing gun. So, I asked the guy why.. and he told me that anything containg cartilage that is peirced with the gun will spider web shatter the caritalge, so thats why I have had so many problems with my other ones. So yeahh.. just wanted to save you all the pain:) If yuo are looking for a good place, and happen to want to go to OC to get it done, go to funky stuff, 5th street on the board walk. I promise, this guy is a PRO!

I am burnt, and I am sure that there is more to come.. my poool is open!!!! :) Oh, and I have gotten to play with my waterproof camer.. amazing I will post pictures soon.

&that my friends is all I have for today, I hope you enjoy your day.. and that the heat isn't too unbearable!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

To teach, is to inspire.

**these pictures are not mine, they were found while looking through**

To learn and never be filled, is wisdom; to teach and never be weary, is love.

I have a longing to impact lives, a longing to teach.

I can't explain it, but it is one of the deepest desires of my heart. I know it dosen't pay well. But, that doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter to me, that I will ALWAYS have homework to do for the rest of my life. That doesn't matter at all, the only thing that matters is the children.

Being able to see the smile, a child shows when you help them understand something. Being able to watch a child grow. Being able to give a child someone to confide in and someone to trust in, if they don't have that at home. Being able to create, and organize. Being able to get the title of 'favorite teacher'

Today, it is all that I have been able to think about, but I am not sure why. It's not like tomorrow I am going ot become on.. It's ust God decidede to put it on my heart. I cannot wait for my future that God has planned for me. Just imagine, getting one og those gifts!! Or an apple. :) CANNOT wait.


I wish, that I will be able to learn photoshop easily, and it wont overwhelm me... hah thats a pretty high hope!!!
But, none the less, I CANNOT wait ;)

2 things

1. Thing 1, yesterday at work. I was told by a staff member (that sounds odd) co-worker, or person I work for.. I am really not sure. Anyways, they told me that they (as a team) are thrilled that I am working here. Thrilled that I fill the spot perfectly, and that I am a great addition to the work place.
That was just music to my ears. To be in a place where people are nice, where there is no cussing, and there is just nice people, that are funny and you can joke with, and are truly there for you. Makes all the difference in the attitude that you have when you go to work. I have not dreaded getting up at 6:30 in the morning once to come to this job. And, if any of you know me.. I LOVE sleep, so not caring.. is saying something!

2. Thing 2, I AM GOING TO BE GETTING PHOTOSHOP. Oh my goodness, I am so excited.. and I promise that this will only make blog reading more exciting for all of you. I promise to look up ideas, and tutorials, so that I can edit this weeked. And post some at the beginning of next week. And, I promise to be ecstatic while I do it :)

Have a greattt day!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

days like these

Because, it is days like this,that make me smile.
Days that make me wanna live life the fullest.
Days that make me feel so happy that I am here.
Days that make all the stress, and worries go away. And allow me to just enjoy days, those specific days, like these.

Today was a day that I spent part of with my little cousin, my light. My main reason for believing there is a God. She is my angel, and she has truly saved me from myself. And, I believe that God placed her in my life to do just that.

And days like these allow me to remember that, to remember that and to take it all in and eat it all up.

In case you were wondering, this beautiful girls name. It is Maylin, a pretty name for a pretty girl.:)

&because she has inspired days like these, there will be a full blog about her, my angel. My little one who inspires days like these.

Days when you get bugged SO MUCH to play outside, then you just run out to stop the begging, and forget to put on your shoes.

Those oh so messy first sloppy joe days, where you know you have to eat outside, beacuse it is just that stinking messy. Oh and did I forget to mention that she is two, going on three.. yes messy! But, no complaints here taterbug loves to eat outside:) smiles all the way.

Did I mention that this was a messy day? :)

Days when you can't get enough milk days, due to the intense playing outside. And days where you cannot get enough of those flowers days.

Days where after playing outside, where all you do is lay bakc and answer millions of "whats dat mandy, what's dat" questions, with the simple reply of "oh, yup" just beacuse they make you smile.

It is days like these, and only days like these that can invoke such a beautiful smile.

it is days like these, and only days like these, that make you feel complete, happy, and amazing. It is days like these that can take your mind off of tomorrow, and allows you to just worry about today, this hour, this minute, this second.It is days like these that I live for :)

craft crazy

Needless to say, within the few short days I have not had to worry about studying for finals (thanks to being out of school for the summer:D) I have been reading blogs, blogs and more blogs.
my favorite kind of blogs, are the ones that teach you how to make things, like the do it yourself blogs, oh how I love them so!!! The best part is when you go to really crafty blogs, and they feature other crafty blogs. So then, you have a gillion blogs, that you can link to, and then you can look at that sites favorite blogs, and the majority of the time they will have some extra creative blogs on that list. So, you subscribe to all of them, and before you know it... you have a million blogs that you are following that have delicious crafts that you could just sink your teeth into.

While doing this, I found a MILLION great things to keep my occupied this summer. One of which, I just entered a contest to to a site that makes, scrapbook looking necklaces, with pictures. You may remember me talking about them in one of my posts, anywho. I figured out how to make them myself:). And, it is ALOT cheaper then having ot purchase them already made, so I am thrilled about this find!! &I cannot wait to make some, which I think I will be making a gift here soon for Jeffrey, a keychain with it on there, so I am SOO excited about that.

Needless to say, my subscription list, has nearly trippled. With all kinds of amazing craft sites, sites that commonoly offer give aways. Oh man, the blog world is never ending. Always something else to find. Thank you so much April for getting me involved.:) I'm getting kind of addicted though, therefore any addiction, I blame on you ;)

Friday, May 21, 2010


I just thought that I would take the time to blog on half of one of my faovirte bloggers.
Alos, to suggest that if you don't already follow her, you should. Her story is truly life changing, and everytime I read one of her stories, about how thankful she is for her life, my heart and my life are touched.

No, I do not personally know this girl. But through reading her blogs, and sharing in her heartbreaks, and smiles. I do feel as though I know her. She is an excellent writer, and her stories truly do touch every piece of my heart in a different way.

Who is she? Yeah.. almost forgot that part. She goes by the name of nienie, and you can visit her blog here if you would like to.

If you are going to start following, I might as well give you a recap on all of the posts up to this one (That I am awar of any ways)

Nienie has a family of 5 I believe, including her, her husband and her three children. One day, and I am not sure why they did, but nienie and her husband were on a private plane. This plane crashed and ignited in flames. Miraculously they both had a chance to survival. Nienie was in a coma for 3 months, and thanks to many prayers woke up. Both the people have burn marks on their skin. However, Nienies is the worst. She has undergone a number of surgeries, she has a skin graff on her back, and the docotrs expand it, to expand "good, unburnned skin" that will then be moved to her neck. This is an intricate surgery, that Nie was not supposed to have until the end of june, I believe. HOwever, due to infection she is in the surgery now. This surgery could produce another a coma. Please pray for Nie and her family, in her time of need.

In my mind though, there are no worries, with a person as influential as her, God needs her to be on this earth, to spread the good news. Pray for the heartsof the family that they stay strong in this time.
:)you really should follow, she is amazing.

ANOTHER giveaway

From on of my favorite blogs (make it and love it)sponsers.
The jewlery is just darling, honestly you should go and check them out. They are the perfect idea for a gift.. or just something for you to treasure.
I justlove the idea of lockets, but sometimes they bother me beacuse people don't always get to see the picture&then people are always asking you whatis inside.. and yeah.

But this is a smart way to the locket. it is a picture with glass around it so that you don't have to spend time opening it and all, and people can just see what you are wearing.

Also, something they have that I think is neat, is the option to put it on a keychain.. so you could even get something for the boys:)

I hope you enjoy!!!

Lord above.

I just can't believe that I am going to be a college sophomore.
Honestly.. where did the time go?
How did I manage to pay for school, with only three hours of work (so glad that has changed!) College, wow college.
A place that I was doubting I would ever get to..
Just wowww. I am really proud of myself.. I have managed to get good grades.. Just so proud of myself.

I have learned so much about my life, about my world as an adult.
1.Things aren't always easy (well duh).
2.When things arem't always easy, you and I have a great God to hold tightly to, and he is never failing.
3.Some relationships come, and some go.. and you have to make that decision yourself, not by what people tell you.
4.You make your bed you lie in it, no one is cleaning up your messes now.
5.However bad things are for you, there is one person out there who has it worse.
6.You can change your whole day by waking up and sayins "Today I will be Happy"
7.If you set your mind to it you can do anything.
8.Its better, and more rewarding to work on today, then it would be to work on yesterday, beacuse that has passed.
9.People of this world will let you down, but God will never.
10.Make your own self. It is better to beautiful in originality then to be a beautiful duplicate.

There is tons more that I have learned.. but I have to make some phone calls:) So, I will indeed blog later..
Church bulletins to fold today.. ohhhh joy. Hah.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm a geezer

So.. yesterday, more like last night I went to my brothers orchestra concert.. which just happened to be in the good ol' North County. Which, if you did not know, I graduated there last year.
And granted it has only been a year.. but I went in and everytthing felt so small, and I felt sooo old. Knowing that I was the college there, just made it worse. Not that it was a bad thing.. it just made me feel even older.

Then of course, I started reminiscing on my highschool years. And again, it's not like it was five years ago or a gillion or anything.. but I am not there anymore.. so its a big shocker to me.

Anyways I started thinking about how highschool is always one of the best times, and worst times of your life.. mixed together, and jumbled.

It made me sad to think that I can never go back.. and do it over again. Because as hard as it seemed, with bullies, and with no freedom. Highschool was easy it waws sooo simple!!! you didn't have to pay for school, which means, unless you are a dork like I was.. you didn't have to pass, you didn't care if you passed or not.

You always got to walk in the hall with your group of friends, and you got to connect with your teachers, which doesn't really happen in college.. at least with me.. I just kind of go in and out.

Anyways-- young ones that are still in highschool (and I know you hear this from your parents all the time.. but trust me I mean this.) don't rush it, take your time. You will truly have your best days, and for the worst.. they will come and they will go. Cherish the time that you have, because this is when it's easy.. where you can worry about what color the boy you like is wearing. And yuo can pass notes in class professing you love for eachother, these are the days that you will remember forever, so make the best of them. Oh, and I guess you should make sure that you work hard for your grades too.

SPEAKING OF WORK- make sure you save for a cute car:)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

oh mann!

well for starters.. let me say that I don't want to have a baby until, you know I get married and all.
But when I see cute baby things.. I just wish that my life could fastforward a little and then pause.. so that I could have a baby.. I just CANNOT wait. :)

anywhooo. I found this little cute blanket. and if you know me.. well you will know why I love it so much.. and if not.. I LOVE ladybugs, I think that they are so sweet and special, and beautiful.. and look at what I found.. oh man.. I am half tempted to just buy it for

isn't itjust the sweetest thing:) I think that it is ADORABLE!!! :) they better stil habe them when I get preggers!


I realized that I havn't blogged about this yet.. or rreally even told anyone.. but I am looking to get a car. and I am scared.. and it is giving me tons of stress, its just such a big purchaswe.. like I have never bought something over 1,000.. and wel chances are the car that I buy will be over that.. hah.
But here is the thing that is the hardest.
With this car I can have no financial help, my family just can't contribute.. which means all of this.. is either going to have to be ALL money saved up or all a loan, which either way is a lot of money.
Now, keep in mind that if it is a loan.. I will have to make payments on that, insurance payments, gas money, and my school payments.. it's just going to be a lot.

And, I don't wanna get caught up to where.. I can't make payments.. I don't want this to be stressful but it is. I know that God has a plan for me and that it will work out in the end.. I just wish I didn't have to actually live through all of this hard money stuff.. hah and I know that that is kind of a cheating but a girl can dream now can't she?

And yes, I do have a great job, an amazing job.. where I am working a lot more, and making more than I did at my other job and for that I am thankful. But I can't help to worry what if it wont me enough.. and money like this scares me.. I am sure that some of you may know why.

I know that I need to pray about it, and something will come to me.. I just like to get on and vent.. so hah. I hope you enjoy it as well as I do.. God bless:)


So, as I get more and more addicting to blogging, I keep noticing more and more of one of the perks that blogging, and reading blogs offer:)

Here is a greattt free giveaway from confessions of a paper freak, it's really a great site.. and if you don't wanna enter in the contest you should at least check it out..
SO what is it??
Well they are giving away free jewlery, I will post a picture shortly, revisit this blog if you would like to see. :)
anways, I will give you the ling to her blog post, so that you can register if you would like, there are tons of chances and tons of things to do so that you can get a free piece of jewlery, and I PROMISE you are not going to want to miss it, this jewlery is BEAUTIFUL, and to me the best part is that you can get them personalized, get them to say whatever you want them to say:)

oh, and did I mention it is a chrisitian site, what's better than knowing that you are helping out with something that you believe in:)

Right, here is her blog post.. almost forgot.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

swagger wagon..hah.

This is funnnnnnyyyy, Uncle Paul showed me this tonight, and it forreal made me crackkk up.:) it is funnny, hope you enjoy:)

makes you think twice about owning one huh?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Awesome Rythmic Gymnast

So honestly, this might be the coolest thing that I have ever seen in my life.. like really? How do you even learn to do this kind of thing.. and it looks like it is a bowling ball, I don't know if they say what it is in the video because I had to watch it with the volume down.. but it's really cool. I couldn't even imagine how much time and work you would have to put into this to make it look as easy as she has.

Friday, May 14, 2010

sooo much change

:) oh my word.. so many things have happned since I have last blogged.. I quit my new job, and started a new one.. a new one working at my church.. it is INSANE, i have been praying for this and praying for this.. and I feel like for the first time in my life, this is a prayer that God has answered.. and it happened just as I wanted it to. I work there, it feels so good to say that I worked there, and it is even more amazing to know that I ALWAYS have a God that will come through..

The other thing is.

well I will just have to wait to show you because I am not going to blog about it unless I can post a picture of it.. and lets just say it is a BIG deal.. something that I have been waiting for, and something that I am scared to do.. but I will post later..
sorry for the tease:)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

:) ello loves.

So there hasn't been much reason lately to blog. I've just been going through life.. finishing up my first year of college, how insane :p. I will have successfully completed one year of college on the 20th:) yayy me.

I have been making lots of things lately, I made a white board, and I made my mother a picture frame, and a letter for mothers day, I will post pictures after you know.. she opens it and all.

I also made the scrapbook page for mine and Jeffs one year, can't believe that it is coming up in june.. thats insane to me!!
This year will be 11 months, it doesn't seem like it has been that long.. but then again it does.. who knows its weird. All I know is that I am thankful.

I am addicted to sundresses, like literally there should be a convention for this. I cannot stop ooing, and ahhhing, and one. And it is really hard.. because sometimes it puts a hurtin' on the bank account. It stinks though.. because I will find such great deals, and then I feel like I need to buy them. lol. Like a couple of days ago, I was in wet seal.. and I never knew this.. but they have sales that are like buy one and get one for a penny now how do you turn that down?

But, I am going to go stumble, and maybe I will find something to blog about;)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

:) yayyy.

I found this awesome quote, on this awesome site called and well it was awesome..
wanna see what it is?

Okay, I'll show yahhh.
"thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."

Oh man, so I just loveloveloveee this quote, I think that it is agreat one.:) I strive every day to smile, and maybe if I strive enough, I can light the other candles around me.:)

LOVE this game.

So, this is a game I read about in a book one time.. I don't really remember the book, although I think it was Winn Dixie.. but I can't be certain so don't hold me to it.
Right, the game.

I love playing the game.. where you listen to someones voice, and then you think in your head what they would look like according to the voice that you hear.. you don't look at the person at all, beacuse that would be cheating. So then when you are done picturing the person (Think about what they are wearing, how their hair is, is it long short, and what color.. does this person have freckles- I mean you just think of everything), yah look at them. And see if you were right.

I know its kind of dumb.. but I LOVE it and I think that it is soooo much fun:)

Maybe its beacuse I study people all the time that I thihnk that it is so much fun but eitehr way I think that you should try it one day.:)

&don't worry after you play for a while you start getting

tuesdayysss :)

1. MY FANN! because it helps to cool me off when it is sooo stinking hot out :p
2. String to make bracelets out of.. I love making bracelets..
3. Watching movies that you watched when you were little- it kinda brings those days back :)
4. Honey Nut Cherrios, its just sooo tasty, and you can add almost anything to it and it will still be tasty (It helps me to eat bananas)
5. Having songs that help you spell hard words.. like bananas, or independent. Hah. Well that last one really isn't a hard word.. I just sing it when I need to write it.
6. iPOD, they are just great things.. I mean really? They are.
7. THE WHITE SUNDRESS THAT I BOUGHT. I lovelovelovelovelovelove it and I cannot wait to wear it.. so close!
8. Being surrounded by people, that just listen&care.. like Jeff, Kait, and my Mommy:) thanks you guys! (p.s. that creepy guy from the last post just walked down the hall again)
9. Editing pictures, I just think that it is sooooo much fun.
10.VACATIONSS- we have been planning them, and I love being able to just hang out with my family.. yay:)

oy veyyy!

So, she is home.
The truth is I don't want to see her. I don't want to let her back in, it hurts being lied to and I am sick of it.. literally.
And I don't trust myself around her.. I might say something that I don't want to out of anger.

I think that it is harder the second time around. Because, for so long.. we thought she was doing great.
Class was cancled this morning, which normally I wouldn't mind at all. And I wont mind.. if my stinking teachers realize that they are supposed to EMAIL us when they wont make it to class, that way we know.. not to come to class.
So, now I am up here.. doing nothing.

It gives me time to blog which I am greatful for, but at the same time it gives me lots of time to think.. which I don't feel like doing with eyes all around. :) Hah.
So I think that I am just going to distract myself from other things, and I will read blogs.

I can deal with my emotions laterr, as in not around people.

Today has been a good day so far, I exercised.. which felt good, I'm tellin' yah exercise always helps when you are stressed out.

Today while I exercised so that I didn't get bored.. I watched monsters inc. &lemme just tellll you. I think that I have forgotten how amazinggggg that movie is. It is just so stinking cute. Boo just steals everyones heart I am telling you!

There has been this guy that has walked up and down the hallway SLOWLY a number of times, and like a big number of times.. its kinda creepy.. considering I am in the room by myself. I don't really like to go to the computer room where there are a billion people, I would rather keep to myself.. and type and read things by myself.

Thats how I am for the most part in school. I keep to myself.. I don't really care to have friends here, I have realized how important it is to surround yourself with Godly people, and correct me if I am wrong.. but there are not that many Godly people at AACC, hah I mean don't get me wrong.. I have freinds.. but they are just like talk to a little in class, and text if you have a question about homework kind of friends. Not like hang out all week kind of friends.

I do have friends that are unsaved, I just don't see the point in adding more.. if that makes sense.. I dunno I am not trying to sound nasty or mean.. but to me a good friend is one that you can relate to, one that you have common grounds with. One that can build you up and always encourage you to do better. One that you benefit from, and always know that they have your best interest in mind. And to me that means having friends that are in the word and are christian. In saying this.. I have no abadoned my friends that are not saved.. that just isn't my cup of tea. I just choose to stay away from making more friends that are that way for now.

I have no idea why I am writing so much, I am thinking that my brian is just full of things.. that have no order whatsoever.. which is kind of giving me a headache.. but like some of the stuff in this post is completely random. Who knows.. maybe its just my way of dealing with things.. getting my mind off the subject.. because I don't think that I need to go through this again.. I don't think that its fair.. so maybe subconciously I am blocking myself from going through it again.

Whatever it is.. it is making my blog posts kind of amusing and funny, so hey.. why not?

Monday, May 3, 2010

Oh Mondays,

Hanging out with my Mom, and my Boyfriend always makes good memories.
I love that me and my Mom, and my Boyfriend can hang out, like friends, literally chill out and watch tv or a movie together. I love having my Mom so close in my life, I love her being my bestfriend, the person that is always there no matter what.

I am so thankful for her, and I am so happy that my life has changed, and that she is now such a big part of it.
:) she is there for me through all of the hard times.
My most memorable memory for the day, is my Mom and my Boyfriend supporting me in a time where I am sad. They are really great people, that I am so lucky to be blessed with.

oh my lordyyy.

So much has happened, but there is not much at all that I want to say.
The thing that I thought wouldn't happen, happened.
However, it's odd how calm I am about it. Well I wouldn't say calm.. but I'm not scared, I am not scared what will come from it. I am not, which is different for me, and I think that a lot of it has to do with getting closer and closer to God.
Also, how ironic is it that in Verb we are talking about fear, because I know that the old me would be scared out of my mind right now for this person. But I know that it is all in Gods hands and that God will take care of it.
So I look at the situation, and I say so be it.
It's hard, its not easy. But I know that if I let Gods plan take control, then it will ultimately be for the best. Although it will be hard and heartbreaking at times, I know that God will pull through.
So, I am not scared.. but what am I? Hurt, Angry.. beyond angry. Livid, livid that I have to go through this all again, livid that drugs have to hurt my family again. Livid that my Grandmother must go through this again.. so mainly just hurt that I was lied to, and angry that she is doing it again.

Quote for the week: people will let me down, this has been proven to me time and time again, but I have a God that will not, and I hold tight to his truth without wavering.♥

Thursday, April 29, 2010


Today is better, I have gotten some peace.
:)And just trying to not think about it!
On a side note I didn't go to school today, I have had un-bearable cramps, and have literally been in my bed all day on the verge of crying if I move.
However, that is also getting better:)

Tonight is the last Murder Mystery practice before the big play, and boy am I nervous!!! But excited all the same.

I havn't eaten much today due to my fear of walking causing those unbearable cramps again. But, I shall get up soon and get some food in my tummy, after all that may make my stomach feel better.

I am anxiously awaiting something.. something that I don't know when it is coming, or what it is. I am nervous.. and anxious trying to think of what it is.

&That is pretty much what has been on my mind today.

Oh and I am debating on whether or not to order this dress offline:) I have been dying to find a nice white summer dress, but I have a fear of not trying things on first.


I am thankful for a God that will give you peace, when you think that there is none to be found. He is truly an amazing God, and can make any storm calm down when you call his name.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I wish, that my family could be at peace..

Just like for a few days or so, that would be nice.


So I am going to warn you.. if you don't just like hearings peoples frustrations, and not knowing what they are actually about.. then stop reading now.
This post is just purely to try and help me sleep tonight.
Now that that's out of the way. I am sooooo frustrated! Goooodnesss.

I thought I was going to have a nice quiet night, sleep early.. you know be nice and ready for my exercise in the morning.
But no..

I just really don't like it when people expect you to bend backwards for them.. and then don't budge a little, people that see things only through one light, and think that there is no other right than the right that that think. People that look at other people and get frustrated and angry that they don't believe the same thing that you do. People that talk about you behind your back, when you choose not to agree with them, or support the sin that they are falling into. When people make you feel bad for having your own opinion. When people drive and drive and drive and drive to get you to say something, that they want you to say, but you don't want to say. &then when you don't say it they throw it in your face.

&What makes me the most angry.. is when all that is coming from family. &when all that happens, they automatically assume that it is because you don't love them. And, that you are not happy that they are happy.


This is tearing me up, I want it to be over, and I want my family to all love each other, I want my family to just.. be on one side.. I want my family members to stop trying to turn people against me. :\

I want room to breath, It's not like I did anything wrong, I just have a different opinion, and I don't understand.

If you could just pray that I will have patience in dealing with this situation, and that I will have Godly words to say, and Godly opinions to stick to.

Because right now.. I'm getting sick of my own family turning against me, beacuse I have Christian opinions, and don't agree with DC. As bad as it sounds.. it would be sooo much easier to just throw in the towel, and give them what they are looking for so all of this family drama can stop.

But I want to be better than that.. and it is a struggle, so I just need the strength to not throw in the towel, and to stand by the undying truth that I believe in..

Until next time&hopefully a happier post.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

top tenn

1. Humus:)
2. It being sunny enough to open up my window, and give my plant some nice light.
3. Waiting to find out surprises.
4. Blogging!!! I am starting to really really get into this!
5. Listening to music while I work out, it helped me tons today.
6. Working out, it makes me feel so much better!
7. Finishing things (like essays ;) ) a head of time!!!
8. Getting good grades on essays that you were super worried about.
9. Studying poetry ♥
10.Being invited to a dinner, all homemadee!

Monday, April 26, 2010


My incredible memory for today would have to be watching Fire proof with Jeff. &Along with this incredible memory, I got an idea.
WE have been working on our relationship, making sure that it is a healthy relationship, and I think that this is safe to post.. because he never reads my blog, so he shouldn't see it.
But I am thinking about doing the love dare for him, not really the love dare.. but it will be more just to show him how much I care about him, and how much he means to me. So, I am going to do my own version of it. I am going to do the care dare, and I am excited.. and yes I know that it sounds lame.. but I am so excited to show him in little ways how much I care about him.
I think that it will turn our relationship around, and make it better.
The difference from the love dare and the care dare, is that this will be more emotionally acceptable for dating, rather than marriage. I have an accountability partner for this, a wise and incredible accountability partner, so its not just me judging.
But I am very excited to start this. I am not going to blog about it, I will blog about it in the end though.. But not an everday kind of blog.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

amazing night

“&oh, how he loves us so, oh how he loves us, how he loves us so”

Today was just an amazing day for me. I love when you can hear God, when you can hear him plain and clear, when he tells you things, and he nudges you in certain directions. I just love that. I love when I can feel God in a room where people are praising his name. I love the feel of God being so close, being in the room. I love knowing that God can see me praising him, and giving him my ALL.

Tonight, church was amazing. I love being able to praise God, it is one of my favorite parts of church. Just being able to give God everything, and thank him and give him glory for everything that he has given you and will continue to give. Always. It is an amazing feeling, and it is what my heart desires, to give God his glory.

Like I said, tonight, church was amazing. We had a whole worship night. Jason gave the story of the prodigal son in the middle of our worship. Telling us that no matter what, our father is waiting for us with open arms. No matter what we have gotten into, no matter what sins we may have done. He was telling us that God would be there, with open arms. Waiting for us to come back, he will celebrate when we do. And we will be alive in him again.

For all the years that Jason has been preaching, and I have been coming. He has only done this one other time, and that time was the time that changed my life forever. The time when Cory told me that I needed to end things with my ex. I was in a very bad relationship, and I was told that I needed to end it and it all came out of a service like this. Before that service, I was at a very bad spot in my life. And I needed help getting out of there fast. Since then, after Cory praying over me, and all other changes.. I am a completely different person. And, all in one year.

This time, although it was the same type of service. I had a different role. Instead of being the girl that need to be prayed over, that need to be rescued from the things that I was going through. I was the girl, praying for other students. And it felt amazinggg! I thought that it felt good when people prayed over you(don’t get me wrong that still feels good and all) but knowing, that God is using me to pray for these people, God is using me to potentially save their lives like someone has changed mine, is amazing to me. It is amazing to finally be on the other side of that spectrum. And I love the person that I am now, and the place that I am in because of it.

The only thing that I could keep thinking of all night when this service was going on, is that if one person, just one person gets what I got out of that service. Then, it was worth it. If one person could experience God the way I have experienced him, it would be worth it. If one person could change their lives the way I did, after that service it would all be worth it. Each and every girl that I prayed for tonight, I hope and pray that some day they will be able to get all the good that I have gotten out of God. I hope and pray, that they would be able to see God the way that I see him, for him to be so strong in their lives, like he is in mine. And, if I could do anything, anything, to help them along that path, I would do it in a heartbeat. I know how important it is, and I know how it can save your life.

That’s what tonight made me think of, that was tonight for me in a nutshell.

I am so thankful to be where I am today because of what has happened in my life, and I hope that other people will be able to look back on this day and say the same thing.

God is real, God is here, and God is now.

Don’t waste another day in this world, and pass up the amazing offer that God gives you, because I know that it is bound to change your life forever, if you take him up on that offer.

I am living proof of this.

“yeah he loves us, ohh how he loves us, ohhh how he loves us, ohhh how he loves us.”