Sunday, July 18, 2010

everyday is a new day

Last night.. kind of crept up on me. A lot of things, happened that I didn't want to. It was very very hard. But, all I could keep doing was reminding myself that I had to be strong. Because I know very well. That this is going to be what is best for me. That is the hardest thing to do right now.. is put myself first. I have a hard time with that normally. I'm always worried about the other person, and how the other person is. How they are doing.. if they are okay. And that is something that right now I can't really do because I need to focus on myself. And that is the hardest thing.

I am so proud of myself. For the decisions that I have made. For being an adult. For not having to be told what to do. For this to be our decision and for us to stick by it. Shows how strong we are. And that we would let nothing get in the way of God. Not many teenagers our age would be able to do something so great. So immense that they look outside of today, and look into the future to see what is best. Even though this hurts. I know that everything will work out of the best because I have faith in my God that his plan will be so amazing. So amazing that it will floor me.

I know that people think we are crazy.. I know that people thought we were good. And the truth is we were. We were good. But we needed some time to work on ourselves. And as soon as we get over this hump. As soon as I get over this hump.. of I can't believe this happened. Everything will get easier.

I was told that everyday it would get better, that it would hurt less and less, and I can already see that. Today is a new day. And I am going to make it that. I am going to make it my new day. And I am going to embrace it like it is a new beginning because after all it is. A new me. A fresh-clean-not-damaged-by-other-people-kind-of-me. Hah, and by other people I don't mean Jeff. I still have to fix what happened before Jeff. And even a step before that. And another step.

I know this is hard. I feel it. I also know that I have been through a lot of other things.. and I am starting to feel like I am strong enough to handle this. That I will be able to make it out of this.. and not just make it out of this alive. But make it out of this better. So much better. Which is good.. because then whatever comes my way. It will be great. Whatever relationship. It will be great. Because I will be strong enough to hold my own.. and not ask for other person to do that for me. Because, it is too much to ask. And I should be able to do it on myself. And right now while I am alone.. that is what I am learning to do.

Today will be over, tomorrow will get better, and then the next day. Yesterday, the worst day. It's gone. Everyday will be a new beginning.
And this, is the beginning of my story. The story that will make people proud, and people will see the change that I have made.. and they will be amazed. That's what I want.

My story is going to be great, it is going to be un-imaginably great. And I am going to be the star. Think of that.. the star of my own great story. One day I know that I will look back at this and I will think. I am so glad that this happened.

There is hope, and I have faith that this will all work out for the best. :) I am strong. And I can handle this..
With all that out of the way.. heh Virgina is so far tons of fun. My cousins are just eating it up, which can get a little overwhelming at times. Steph and I slept on the same bed.. hah i had the littlest sliver of the bed that it was just crazy.. but I still had a goodnights sleep. And I didn't have to try to fall asleep which shocked me. I think today we are going to see eclipse. Chief:) (Hah that is what Bella calls Jacob.. and I think that it is cute) for the record I think it will be harder to watch this time around. But I'm making better decisions then Bella. HAH. Man last ngiht we had Panera, and it totally hit the spot.. like beautifully hit the spot. I am going to go now, and read. And get some play time in so I am not going to be bugged all day.. hahah.

<3 "I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness."- a million miles in a thousand years.

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