Today..

Today is better, I have gotten some peace.
:)And just trying to not think about it!
On a side note I didn't go to school today, I have had un-bearable cramps, and have literally been in my bed all day on the verge of crying if I move.
However, that is also getting better:)

Tonight is the last Murder Mystery practice before the big play, and boy am I nervous!!! But excited all the same.

I havn't eaten much today due to my fear of walking causing those unbearable cramps again. But, I shall get up soon and get some food in my tummy, after all that may make my stomach feel better.

I am anxiously awaiting something.. something that I don't know when it is coming, or what it is. I am nervous.. and anxious trying to think of what it is.

&That is pretty much what has been on my mind today.

Oh and I am debating on whether or not to order this dress offline:) I have been dying to find a nice white summer dress, but I have a fear of not trying things on first.

Thankful

I am thankful for a God that will give you peace, when you think that there is none to be found. He is truly an amazing God, and can make any storm calm down when you call his name.

Wednesdays

I wish, that my family could be at peace..

Just like for a few days or so, that would be nice.

venting.

So I am going to warn you.. if you don't just like hearings peoples frustrations, and not knowing what they are actually about.. then stop reading now.
This post is just purely to try and help me sleep tonight.
Now that that's out of the way. I am sooooo frustrated! Goooodnesss.

I thought I was going to have a nice quiet night, sleep early.. you know be nice and ready for my exercise in the morning.
But no..

I just really don't like it when people expect you to bend backwards for them.. and then don't budge a little, people that see things only through one light, and think that there is no other right than the right that that think. People that look at other people and get frustrated and angry that they don't believe the same thing that you do. People that talk about you behind your back, when you choose not to agree with them, or support the sin that they are falling into. When people make you feel bad for having your own opinion. When people drive and drive and drive and drive to get you to say something, that they want you to say, but you don't want to say. &then when you don't say it they throw it in your face.

&What makes me the most angry.. is when all that is coming from family. &when all that happens, they automatically assume that it is because you don't love them. And, that you are not happy that they are happy.

UGHHHH I AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW IN TYPING.. if you onlyyyyy knew.

This is tearing me up, I want it to be over, and I want my family to all love each other, I want my family to just.. be on one side.. I want my family members to stop trying to turn people against me. :\

I want room to breath, It's not like I did anything wrong, I just have a different opinion, and I don't understand.

If you could just pray that I will have patience in dealing with this situation, and that I will have Godly words to say, and Godly opinions to stick to.

Because right now.. I'm getting sick of my own family turning against me, beacuse I have Christian opinions, and don't agree with DC. As bad as it sounds.. it would be sooo much easier to just throw in the towel, and give them what they are looking for so all of this family drama can stop.

But I want to be better than that.. and it is a struggle, so I just need the strength to not throw in the towel, and to stand by the undying truth that I believe in..


Until next time&hopefully a happier post.

top tenn

1. Humus:)
2. It being sunny enough to open up my window, and give my plant some nice light.
3. Waiting to find out surprises.
4. Blogging!!! I am starting to really really get into this!
5. Listening to music while I work out, it helped me tons today.
6. Working out, it makes me feel so much better!
7. Finishing things (like essays ;) ) a head of time!!!
8. Getting good grades on essays that you were super worried about.
9. Studying poetry ♥
10.Being invited to a dinner, all homemadee!

Mondayys:)

My incredible memory for today would have to be watching Fire proof with Jeff. &Along with this incredible memory, I got an idea.
WE have been working on our relationship, making sure that it is a healthy relationship, and I think that this is safe to post.. because he never reads my blog, so he shouldn't see it.
But I am thinking about doing the love dare for him, not really the love dare.. but it will be more just to show him how much I care about him, and how much he means to me. So, I am going to do my own version of it. I am going to do the care dare, and I am excited.. and yes I know that it sounds lame.. but I am so excited to show him in little ways how much I care about him.
I think that it will turn our relationship around, and make it better.
The difference from the love dare and the care dare, is that this will be more emotionally acceptable for dating, rather than marriage. I have an accountability partner for this, a wise and incredible accountability partner, so its not just me judging.
But I am very excited to start this. I am not going to blog about it, I will blog about it in the end though.. But not an everday kind of blog.

amazing night

“&oh, how he loves us so, oh how he loves us, how he loves us so”

Today was just an amazing day for me. I love when you can hear God, when you can hear him plain and clear, when he tells you things, and he nudges you in certain directions. I just love that. I love when I can feel God in a room where people are praising his name. I love the feel of God being so close, being in the room. I love knowing that God can see me praising him, and giving him my ALL.

Tonight, church was amazing. I love being able to praise God, it is one of my favorite parts of church. Just being able to give God everything, and thank him and give him glory for everything that he has given you and will continue to give. Always. It is an amazing feeling, and it is what my heart desires, to give God his glory.

Like I said, tonight, church was amazing. We had a whole worship night. Jason gave the story of the prodigal son in the middle of our worship. Telling us that no matter what, our father is waiting for us with open arms. No matter what we have gotten into, no matter what sins we may have done. He was telling us that God would be there, with open arms. Waiting for us to come back, he will celebrate when we do. And we will be alive in him again.

For all the years that Jason has been preaching, and I have been coming. He has only done this one other time, and that time was the time that changed my life forever. The time when Cory told me that I needed to end things with my ex. I was in a very bad relationship, and I was told that I needed to end it and it all came out of a service like this. Before that service, I was at a very bad spot in my life. And I needed help getting out of there fast. Since then, after Cory praying over me, and all other changes.. I am a completely different person. And, all in one year.

This time, although it was the same type of service. I had a different role. Instead of being the girl that need to be prayed over, that need to be rescued from the things that I was going through. I was the girl, praying for other students. And it felt amazinggg! I thought that it felt good when people prayed over you(don’t get me wrong that still feels good and all) but knowing, that God is using me to pray for these people, God is using me to potentially save their lives like someone has changed mine, is amazing to me. It is amazing to finally be on the other side of that spectrum. And I love the person that I am now, and the place that I am in because of it.

The only thing that I could keep thinking of all night when this service was going on, is that if one person, just one person gets what I got out of that service. Then, it was worth it. If one person could experience God the way I have experienced him, it would be worth it. If one person could change their lives the way I did, after that service it would all be worth it. Each and every girl that I prayed for tonight, I hope and pray that some day they will be able to get all the good that I have gotten out of God. I hope and pray, that they would be able to see God the way that I see him, for him to be so strong in their lives, like he is in mine. And, if I could do anything, anything, to help them along that path, I would do it in a heartbeat. I know how important it is, and I know how it can save your life.

That’s what tonight made me think of, that was tonight for me in a nutshell.

I am so thankful to be where I am today because of what has happened in my life, and I hope that other people will be able to look back on this day and say the same thing.

God is real, God is here, and God is now.

Don’t waste another day in this world, and pass up the amazing offer that God gives you, because I know that it is bound to change your life forever, if you take him up on that offer.

I am living proof of this.

“yeah he loves us, ohh how he loves us, ohhh how he loves us, ohhh how he loves us.”

freebies from grandmom.

Who's to say that your grandmom can't have things that you want.
Well you see my grandmother is going through things in her house, and moving them around because they are getting their house painted.

And my Grandmother sells avon, so she always gets things sent to her house, there has been some mascaras that I have wanted forever and she found them, and gave them to me, because well, My Grandmom doesn't really wear mascara. lol.

But this post, just reminds me to talk about my favorite earings, they are so much my favorite that I have stopped wearing them.. because I am scared to loose them.
My Grandmother had this beautiful pair of earings, that I have wanted ever since I was a little girl (I know bed time story much, just hang in with me), and my ears kept getting infected, and we had to close them up, and yadda yadda. So whatever, the time came when I could finally get my ears pierced without them closing up. And, she gave them to me:), and I am pretty sure that I wore them ever since.. but now, I think because I wear them too much, the stone always falls off, and so I think that I am going to surprise my Grandma, and get them made into rings for her and I to both have:). You see, its not even the earings that are beautiful, its the fact that wherever I go, I get to have a piece of my wonderful, amazing, beautiful Grandmother with me. The strongest woman I know to this day, the woman that would drop everything and basically sacrifice herself for the people around her that she loves. A piece of me, that inspires me to be better, every time I look at them, and every time I remember that I am wearing them.
Now, I just have to get the money to go and do that.
So there you go, a piece of me. :) And why that piece is so important.

Accomplishment...

in its finest form:) Today, I exercised, just as I promised to, I did the pillates (I do not know how to spell this word, I don't know if you can tell...) work out and it was, pretty hard. My abs are, killing me.
This is completely side note, but yeah.. I am watching one tree hill, and these girls are like bidding on the basketball team guys, and this chick wins, (and I am sure after I tell you what their date is, you can tell what kind of a girl, this chick is) and takes her date to a strip club. I don't understand why you would do something like that, hey let me take you out on a date so that you can look at other girls! GREAT IDEA, nottt.
Okay so back to what I was saying, and my abs are still killing me. Then Jeff took me out to goodwill, and I found all of my murder mystery outfit, including the shoes! :) anddddd I will wear them all for anything.
So I am pumped about that..
OH, and I almost forgot to tell you all about my wonderful amazing breakfast, seriously it was like the best breakfast that I have had in a while:)

So, this is it, I know it looks really simple.. but it's not I promise, well it is but, it didn't taste simple. So I was trying to eat healthy, and I cut up a cup of strawberries, and then I put in a cup cherrios, and the cherrios were already starting to get soggy, and I HATE soft mushy ceareal, so I decided not to add the milk. &It tasted fantastic, like strawberry shortcake:) it was seriously fantastic, :) mmmmmm! I am pretty sure that I am going to hook myself up with a bowl tomorrow too!

friday, my favorite day:)

for blogging reasons, and for not going to school/work/anything reasons :)
so todays favorite bible verse:
Psalms 19:14
"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be true to you."

So first of all, this verse really isn't my favorite, but I shamefully, left my favorite bible verse notebook at my grandparents, so I had to refer to the book that I write in for encouragement (yes, I have a gillion notebooks and they all have a purpose). I have been looking at this one a lot lately. &I really a lot.
-&second of all. This verse to me.. hah I don't have a mouth that cusses, so its not control my tongue in that way.. but control it in the things I talk to people about, with Jeff, the emotional things that we talk about. And controlling my gossiping, all kinds of things.
&lastly of all. I think, that no matter where you are in your spiritual life you have to pray to God that your heart be true to him. Because its challenging. With all the sin in the world creeping up to you, and with it knocking on your door endlessly, with God not being physically in front of you, it can be hard. So it always helps to just pray that your heart be true to the Lord. Whether you are struggling with that or not.