Today..

Today is better, I have gotten some peace.
:)And just trying to not think about it!
On a side note I didn't go to school today, I have had un-bearable cramps, and have literally been in my bed all day on the verge of crying if I move.
However, that is also getting better:)

Tonight is the last Murder Mystery practice before the big play, and boy am I nervous!!! But excited all the same.

I havn't eaten much today due to my fear of walking causing those unbearable cramps again. But, I shall get up soon and get some food in my tummy, after all that may make my stomach feel better.

I am anxiously awaiting something.. something that I don't know when it is coming, or what it is. I am nervous.. and anxious trying to think of what it is.

&That is pretty much what has been on my mind today.

Oh and I am debating on whether or not to order this dress offline:) I have been dying to find a nice white summer dress, but I have a fear of not trying things on first.

Thankful

I am thankful for a God that will give you peace, when you think that there is none to be found. He is truly an amazing God, and can make any storm calm down when you call his name.

Wednesdays

I wish, that my family could be at peace..

Just like for a few days or so, that would be nice.

venting.

So I am going to warn you.. if you don't just like hearings peoples frustrations, and not knowing what they are actually about.. then stop reading now.
This post is just purely to try and help me sleep tonight.
Now that that's out of the way. I am sooooo frustrated! Goooodnesss.

I thought I was going to have a nice quiet night, sleep early.. you know be nice and ready for my exercise in the morning.
But no..

I just really don't like it when people expect you to bend backwards for them.. and then don't budge a little, people that see things only through one light, and think that there is no other right than the right that that think. People that look at other people and get frustrated and angry that they don't believe the same thing that you do. People that talk about you behind your back, when you choose not to agree with them, or support the sin that they are falling into. When people make you feel bad for having your own opinion. When people drive and drive and drive and drive to get you to say something, that they want you to say, but you don't want to say. &then when you don't say it they throw it in your face.

&What makes me the most angry.. is when all that is coming from family. &when all that happens, they automatically assume that it is because you don't love them. And, that you are not happy that they are happy.

UGHHHH I AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW IN TYPING.. if you onlyyyyy knew.

This is tearing me up, I want it to be over, and I want my family to all love each other, I want my family to just.. be on one side.. I want my family members to stop trying to turn people against me. :\

I want room to breath, It's not like I did anything wrong, I just have a different opinion, and I don't understand.

If you could just pray that I will have patience in dealing with this situation, and that I will have Godly words to say, and Godly opinions to stick to.

Because right now.. I'm getting sick of my own family turning against me, beacuse I have Christian opinions, and don't agree with DC. As bad as it sounds.. it would be sooo much easier to just throw in the towel, and give them what they are looking for so all of this family drama can stop.

But I want to be better than that.. and it is a struggle, so I just need the strength to not throw in the towel, and to stand by the undying truth that I believe in..


Until next time&hopefully a happier post.

top tenn

1. Humus:)
2. It being sunny enough to open up my window, and give my plant some nice light.
3. Waiting to find out surprises.
4. Blogging!!! I am starting to really really get into this!
5. Listening to music while I work out, it helped me tons today.
6. Working out, it makes me feel so much better!
7. Finishing things (like essays ;) ) a head of time!!!
8. Getting good grades on essays that you were super worried about.
9. Studying poetry ♥
10.Being invited to a dinner, all homemadee!

Mondayys:)

My incredible memory for today would have to be watching Fire proof with Jeff. &Along with this incredible memory, I got an idea.
WE have been working on our relationship, making sure that it is a healthy relationship, and I think that this is safe to post.. because he never reads my blog, so he shouldn't see it.
But I am thinking about doing the love dare for him, not really the love dare.. but it will be more just to show him how much I care about him, and how much he means to me. So, I am going to do my own version of it. I am going to do the care dare, and I am excited.. and yes I know that it sounds lame.. but I am so excited to show him in little ways how much I care about him.
I think that it will turn our relationship around, and make it better.
The difference from the love dare and the care dare, is that this will be more emotionally acceptable for dating, rather than marriage. I have an accountability partner for this, a wise and incredible accountability partner, so its not just me judging.
But I am very excited to start this. I am not going to blog about it, I will blog about it in the end though.. But not an everday kind of blog.

amazing night

“&oh, how he loves us so, oh how he loves us, how he loves us so”

Today was just an amazing day for me. I love when you can hear God, when you can hear him plain and clear, when he tells you things, and he nudges you in certain directions. I just love that. I love when I can feel God in a room where people are praising his name. I love the feel of God being so close, being in the room. I love knowing that God can see me praising him, and giving him my ALL.

Tonight, church was amazing. I love being able to praise God, it is one of my favorite parts of church. Just being able to give God everything, and thank him and give him glory for everything that he has given you and will continue to give. Always. It is an amazing feeling, and it is what my heart desires, to give God his glory.

Like I said, tonight, church was amazing. We had a whole worship night. Jason gave the story of the prodigal son in the middle of our worship. Telling us that no matter what, our father is waiting for us with open arms. No matter what we have gotten into, no matter what sins we may have done. He was telling us that God would be there, with open arms. Waiting for us to come back, he will celebrate when we do. And we will be alive in him again.

For all the years that Jason has been preaching, and I have been coming. He has only done this one other time, and that time was the time that changed my life forever. The time when Cory told me that I needed to end things with my ex. I was in a very bad relationship, and I was told that I needed to end it and it all came out of a service like this. Before that service, I was at a very bad spot in my life. And I needed help getting out of there fast. Since then, after Cory praying over me, and all other changes.. I am a completely different person. And, all in one year.

This time, although it was the same type of service. I had a different role. Instead of being the girl that need to be prayed over, that need to be rescued from the things that I was going through. I was the girl, praying for other students. And it felt amazinggg! I thought that it felt good when people prayed over you(don’t get me wrong that still feels good and all) but knowing, that God is using me to pray for these people, God is using me to potentially save their lives like someone has changed mine, is amazing to me. It is amazing to finally be on the other side of that spectrum. And I love the person that I am now, and the place that I am in because of it.

The only thing that I could keep thinking of all night when this service was going on, is that if one person, just one person gets what I got out of that service. Then, it was worth it. If one person could experience God the way I have experienced him, it would be worth it. If one person could change their lives the way I did, after that service it would all be worth it. Each and every girl that I prayed for tonight, I hope and pray that some day they will be able to get all the good that I have gotten out of God. I hope and pray, that they would be able to see God the way that I see him, for him to be so strong in their lives, like he is in mine. And, if I could do anything, anything, to help them along that path, I would do it in a heartbeat. I know how important it is, and I know how it can save your life.

That’s what tonight made me think of, that was tonight for me in a nutshell.

I am so thankful to be where I am today because of what has happened in my life, and I hope that other people will be able to look back on this day and say the same thing.

God is real, God is here, and God is now.

Don’t waste another day in this world, and pass up the amazing offer that God gives you, because I know that it is bound to change your life forever, if you take him up on that offer.

I am living proof of this.

“yeah he loves us, ohh how he loves us, ohhh how he loves us, ohhh how he loves us.”

freebies from grandmom.

Who's to say that your grandmom can't have things that you want.
Well you see my grandmother is going through things in her house, and moving them around because they are getting their house painted.

And my Grandmother sells avon, so she always gets things sent to her house, there has been some mascaras that I have wanted forever and she found them, and gave them to me, because well, My Grandmom doesn't really wear mascara. lol.

But this post, just reminds me to talk about my favorite earings, they are so much my favorite that I have stopped wearing them.. because I am scared to loose them.
My Grandmother had this beautiful pair of earings, that I have wanted ever since I was a little girl (I know bed time story much, just hang in with me), and my ears kept getting infected, and we had to close them up, and yadda yadda. So whatever, the time came when I could finally get my ears pierced without them closing up. And, she gave them to me:), and I am pretty sure that I wore them ever since.. but now, I think because I wear them too much, the stone always falls off, and so I think that I am going to surprise my Grandma, and get them made into rings for her and I to both have:). You see, its not even the earings that are beautiful, its the fact that wherever I go, I get to have a piece of my wonderful, amazing, beautiful Grandmother with me. The strongest woman I know to this day, the woman that would drop everything and basically sacrifice herself for the people around her that she loves. A piece of me, that inspires me to be better, every time I look at them, and every time I remember that I am wearing them.
Now, I just have to get the money to go and do that.
So there you go, a piece of me. :) And why that piece is so important.

Accomplishment...

in its finest form:) Today, I exercised, just as I promised to, I did the pillates (I do not know how to spell this word, I don't know if you can tell...) work out and it was, pretty hard. My abs are, killing me.
This is completely side note, but yeah.. I am watching one tree hill, and these girls are like bidding on the basketball team guys, and this chick wins, (and I am sure after I tell you what their date is, you can tell what kind of a girl, this chick is) and takes her date to a strip club. I don't understand why you would do something like that, hey let me take you out on a date so that you can look at other girls! GREAT IDEA, nottt.
Okay so back to what I was saying, and my abs are still killing me. Then Jeff took me out to goodwill, and I found all of my murder mystery outfit, including the shoes! :) anddddd I will wear them all for anything.
So I am pumped about that..
OH, and I almost forgot to tell you all about my wonderful amazing breakfast, seriously it was like the best breakfast that I have had in a while:)

So, this is it, I know it looks really simple.. but it's not I promise, well it is but, it didn't taste simple. So I was trying to eat healthy, and I cut up a cup of strawberries, and then I put in a cup cherrios, and the cherrios were already starting to get soggy, and I HATE soft mushy ceareal, so I decided not to add the milk. &It tasted fantastic, like strawberry shortcake:) it was seriously fantastic, :) mmmmmm! I am pretty sure that I am going to hook myself up with a bowl tomorrow too!

friday, my favorite day:)

for blogging reasons, and for not going to school/work/anything reasons :)
so todays favorite bible verse:
Psalms 19:14
"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be true to you."

So first of all, this verse really isn't my favorite, but I shamefully, left my favorite bible verse notebook at my grandparents, so I had to refer to the book that I write in for encouragement (yes, I have a gillion notebooks and they all have a purpose). I have been looking at this one a lot lately. &I really a lot.
-&second of all. This verse to me.. hah I don't have a mouth that cusses, so its not control my tongue in that way.. but control it in the things I talk to people about, with Jeff, the emotional things that we talk about. And controlling my gossiping, all kinds of things.
&lastly of all. I think, that no matter where you are in your spiritual life you have to pray to God that your heart be true to him. Because its challenging. With all the sin in the world creeping up to you, and with it knocking on your door endlessly, with God not being physically in front of you, it can be hard. So it always helps to just pray that your heart be true to the Lord. Whether you are struggling with that or not.

workout? ugh.

So, I have been like hitting a WALL with working out, and not like a soft nice cuddly pillow wall, like a GYNORMO, BIG, HUGE, brick wall. :\. I don't want to do it, and I keep telling myself that, I have better things today. But today, here is the day when I have nothing to do, and I am going to get my but up and go and do my mothers windsor pillates video that she has.

It's not just the get thin issue with my anymore, I am much calmer after I work out, i worked out all my stress that I have been going through, I have just some simple me time.
I mean, now don't get me wrong.. looking better and all is def. a plus, hah okay.. its a BIG plus, and it helps me out with something that I have very little of, self confidence. I'm pretty sure that on days that I work out I could totally bum it, and wear sweats but still look pretty, and that's just because I have worked out, so I feel better about myself.

So there are many reasons to do it, hopefully this blog will serve as an inspiration for me to get back on my feet, I surely hope so, beacuse there is alot going on right now, a lot of stress that I could benefit from loosing!
So I am going to get up right now, and exercise.. I will not stall on the computer any longer.. I am actually walking away from my computer right now. (after I check this comment) lateralll:)

Thursdaysss..

Well, you see today nothing really thrilling happened, but I think that I may change them all together to "really thankful thursdays" or something along those lines, it's easy for me to come up with things that I am thankful for, but not much thrilling-ness happens, so I think I am in need of a change.
I am thankful, because when you give God something, he takes it for you, and he takes care of it to the best way possible. And, I am thankful for how this one turned out.♥

arlight...

So, this week has been a tough week. Thinking about the people that I have lost, has really just put a hurtin' on the ol' brain.

&then I got a scare. A super scare, a scare... I think its a good thing I got it. Well not good what led to the scare, but good of my outcome, maybe not sure. Yes, I think so.. its just a lot to think about right now.
I know that I am not making much sense at all, because.. right now, nothing makes much sense to me. My brain is kind of spinning right now, now don't think that I am wreck, beacuse I am not.. I promise. Its just a lot to think about, and confusing all at the same time, a lot of praying, and a lot of emotions.
I mean to blog about this earlier.. but I didn't have the time, and I had to go to play practice, and so I am just now having the time.
&I don't know if you can tell or not but my thoughts are not all together yet.

Lets just say, things weren't settle, and I couldn't bare for them to be that way endlessly, I needed more time, and there is a lot of thinking to do along with this.

I am happy, the hurt is gone. I am more than happy.

God is faithful, and I am glad that he gave me more time.

hard week.

This week, is a hard week for me. My friends little brother, Masson, died a year ago this Wednesday.
I was reminded of this through a text message, I checked the calendar and soon enough, it will be a full year since the sweet little 11 year old boy that was once in my everyday life had passed due to cancer.
As I thought of this I took a trip down memory lane, I remember hearing about this, a week after my other friend since childhood OD'ed on drugs. That whole year I had a series of deaths, of people that were very close, and special to me, people that all had a special place in my heart, and that I loved very much.
What I am about to tell you is weird how it came up tonight, and again I think God is using it to help me get all of this out and to be over and done with it.

I was watching the biggest loser tonight (i love that showw!) and O'neal (my favorite, alongside his daughter Sunshine) found out that his brother died do to cancer. O'neal was going through a hard time because he didn't get to say his last words to his brother, his goodbyes. At training he broke down and had to leave the gym Jillian followed near by telling him "if he was standing right in front of you right now, what would you say to him.

Within every situation ever case that I have been through while loosing these people, I have regretted something, something that I never said. Often times the what ifs creep up. And I tell myself, you could have saved this person, if you only... You see I know that all of these people weren't Christians, and they made it clear that they did not believe in God, and that most of the time they wanted nothing to do with him. With the exception of Mason, I am not sure if he believed or not.. I don't think he was old enough to make his OWN decision, and his parents weren't implementing it as well as I think they should have, but that is not he point to this blog.

I am going to write a letter to each person that I have lost, telling them everything that I want to, in the order that I lost them. I will warn you it could get pretty intense, so sorry if it gets overly emotional.

1. Gods surprising encouragment
2. When your glasses are ready before you think they will be!
3. Peanut butter&jelly on a wheat tortialla shell:)
4. Finding out that a paper is due later than you thought.
5. Having a boyfriend that can drive me places so i CAN get my glasses:)
6. The book "Prayers That Avail Much to Teens."
7. Updating my praise section on my ipod
8. Having time alone with God
9. That favorite scent that you found under your bed:)
10. Hearing something you need to hear:)

Girls Beach Weekend:)

So I always write down verses that stick out to me, in a little book, that way I can carry it with me, and I always have those scriptures with me, to help me if I come up to something that I could use them for. Today, something happened to the spiral of my notebook that I normally use, so I had to go on a hunt in my room to find another book that I could use. I came across the little books that we used at girls beach weekend, So I decided that I would use that.. since it is the smallest book I have.
Now, I sadly will admit, that I hadn't looked at this book since probably that weekend. :\ But, thats not what is important here! Lol.
During the nights when we did not have our journals, or leaders took the books, and wrote scripture in them to encourage us, and told us that we were beautiful, and today while I was looking through my book, I came across the most amazing thing ever.
Psalms 37:23-24
The Lord directs the steps of the Godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

I have had my share of stumbles, believe me. Its nice today to know that God will never let me fall, and that he is holding me by the hand:) It is just amazing to know.

&I love how this all worked out.. I needed to hear that today, and I did. God is so faithful and amazing. He is always there, even when you do not expect him to be. ♥

my famous prayer.

So this prayer, has been in and out of my head lately.. and I am really tired, and was just doing prayer time. And it popped back in my head. So I thought I would get it down, so I know the prayer always, and one day I can check and see what Gods will actually was in reguards to my prayer, he is amazing and I know that he will always come through, so I know that this will be interesting to come across one day, and see what God has done for this person.

God, I pray that you open the eyes of this person Lord, I pray that you guide them and direct them with your light. I pray that they will only follow your path, Lord I pray that you hold this person in their times of struggles, I pray that you lift them up, and help that to seek you above all things. Lord, show them the truth, show them that you only want what is best for them God. Show them that you love them, even when they feel like no one does, give them all that they need so that they don't have to search anywhere else. God I pray that you love this person, when they feel like no one else does. I pray Lord that you guard this persons life, and although they may run I pray that you put a wall around them to protect them. I pray that your will is carried out in their lives, and that they accept it willingly with an open heart. I pray that this will all be worth it.

So not only is it just one prayer for one person, but as I was writing it I realized that I can use it for many people.

:) if there is anyone that you care about, I am sure that this prayer will work for you too!

Joys; Fears; Obsessions; and Goals.

Well, I took this idea from Ashley who took it from April.. hah pretty nifty eh? So, thanks for the ideas ladies!:)
Joys:
1.Knowing that I made a difference in someones life- if I can lead one life closer to the Lord, I get the deepest satisfaction.
2.Worshiping God- there's just something beautiful about being able to appreciate God.
3. Maylin Renee, she is Gods most beautiful gift to my family and I, other than life. She is my angel, and has inspired me to be so much more, without knowing it.
4. The fall, my favorite time of the year.
5. Being around children in general, watching them grow, and knowing that you had a part in that.
6. Being around my family, and my friends- all of the people in my life, make everything so worth while, how could I not want to be around them:)
Fears:
Are you ready for one longgg list? Only kidding I will try my best to make it short.
1. Clowns- I don't care if they hug kids, the things are CREEPY!
2. Sharks- Can't even like look at them and not be scared, like shark week is a no way for me!
3. The Darkness- Not so much the darkness that you can see in.. but I know that if I was in pitch black, I would be scared.
4. Roller Coasters- Who would trust one of those things? Really?
5. Bridges- I'm sorry but when you are the top of something and you can feel the wind moving you, it can't be that stable.
6. Loosing people that I love, and care about- this has happened a lot within the last year, its not really loosing the person, it's the fact of Loosing an un-saved person that I care about and love.
7. Not doing all that God wants me to do, not being who he wants me to be- this is terrifying, I want to be what God has planned for me, beacuse I know that it is so great, beyond anything I could think of for myself. Missing out on something like this is just terrifying to me.
8. Masks- You can never tell who is under the mask.
Obsessions:
1. The color orange- i just LOVE this color.
2. Elephants- I know its not common, but I think they are beautiful.
3. Dandelions- prettiest weed i've ever seen!
4. Ladybugs- one of the only bugs that I will purposely pick up and let crawl all over me:)
5. This amazing show called one tree hill, it's an old show.. but I watch it on the internet all the time:)
Goals:
Welp, this first one is going to sound corny, but its honestly my biggest goal.
1. Getting into heaven, being able to see the face of the Man that created me, who knows every little thing about me, and loves me so much that I have no clue.
2. Becoming a kindergarten teacher. I could not think of anything else to do with the rest of my lfie.♥
3. Demonstrate Gods love to everyone that I come in contact with, Everyone should know of the amazing love and Grace that my God has shown to me.
4. To one day be a loving wife, and Godly mother to the man and kids God has in plan for my future:)
5. To always some way be connected in a youth ministry- these kids will change your life forever.

Mondays:)

So, today my Most incredible memory, was watching Maylin&Jonatha. She was sooo cute with him.
And sometimes Maylin cries when her Mommy leaves, and Mommy always says "Don't worry baby, I will be right back." and then when she comes back at the end of the day she always says "See baby, I came back for you didn't I"?
So, today while I was watching them May was playing with Jonathan, and he started crying when she walked away a little, so she walked back &said (In her cute little baby voice) "Don wowwy jonafan, I be wight back", so then she walked away and she came back and kissed him on the forward and said "see baby I come back".
I think it was just the sweetest thing that I have seen in such a long time:)

I'm back.I

Ice is back with a brand new edition.:)
I have missed blogging so much:)
So I am back, and hopefully I wont grow out of the habit this time! So in getting back to blogging I was looking through all of the millions of blogs posts, and I found this amazing little thing that I just cannot wait to try!
-I have been wanting a white board FOREVER!
And I found this cute little site, that I am now addicted to! :) &that is going to help me to make a white board that I know I will just love, because I get to pick what it looks like, and knowing me, it will be orange.. or something. &I am even going to post pictures on here to show you all what it looks like and how it turned out.
So here is the idea that I found, and if you want to subscribe or find more things about this lady and her amazing site, then you can go here and look at them.
♥
Other than that, my life has been amazing, :) nadda thing to complain about. :):):)