Tuesday, April 20, 2010

hard week.

This week, is a hard week for me. My friends little brother, Masson, died a year ago this Wednesday.
I was reminded of this through a text message, I checked the calendar and soon enough, it will be a full year since the sweet little 11 year old boy that was once in my everyday life had passed due to cancer.
As I thought of this I took a trip down memory lane, I remember hearing about this, a week after my other friend since childhood OD'ed on drugs. That whole year I had a series of deaths, of people that were very close, and special to me, people that all had a special place in my heart, and that I loved very much.
What I am about to tell you is weird how it came up tonight, and again I think God is using it to help me get all of this out and to be over and done with it.

I was watching the biggest loser tonight (i love that showw!) and O'neal (my favorite, alongside his daughter Sunshine) found out that his brother died do to cancer. O'neal was going through a hard time because he didn't get to say his last words to his brother, his goodbyes. At training he broke down and had to leave the gym Jillian followed near by telling him "if he was standing right in front of you right now, what would you say to him.

Within every situation ever case that I have been through while loosing these people, I have regretted something, something that I never said. Often times the what ifs creep up. And I tell myself, you could have saved this person, if you only... You see I know that all of these people weren't Christians, and they made it clear that they did not believe in God, and that most of the time they wanted nothing to do with him. With the exception of Mason, I am not sure if he believed or not.. I don't think he was old enough to make his OWN decision, and his parents weren't implementing it as well as I think they should have, but that is not he point to this blog.

I am going to write a letter to each person that I have lost, telling them everything that I want to, in the order that I lost them. I will warn you it could get pretty intense, so sorry if it gets overly emotional.

1 comment:

  1. This may be a nice form of closure for you...I hope it helps you feel that way!